Picking your bridesmaids can be a tough task, with friends ranging from childhood playmates to college sorority sisters. And while those ladies who make the cut have earned a spot on your list by being close, supportive, always-there-for-you friends, the best of friends don’t always make the best bridesmaids. What’s a bride to do if she’s got a ‘maid who’s dragging her feet? Our experts weigh in on ways to encourage them to step up their game.
Whether she’s already missed the deadline for ordering her dress, hasn’t RSVP’d to your bachelorette party in Miami, or still hasn’t booked a hotel room for your wedding weekend, some bridesmaids just need a little more encouragement than others.
See more: 9 Things Brides Forget to Consider When Choosing Bridesmaids
The first thing to do is to have an honest (not angry!) conversation with her. Is there something else going on in her life that’s commanding all of her attention, like a big deadline at work, relationship trouble, or a family health problem? She might be your bridesmaid, but you’re her friend, too, so make sure you’re being sensitive and supportive of her needs. Invite her to be honest with you: If there’s too much going on in her life right now, maybe bridesmaid duties aren’t even on her mind. Politely offer to let her back out of being a bridesmaid and remind her that she’ll still be one of your closest friends without wearing a matching dress — she could be totally relieved to have something taken off of her plate. If she still wants to stand by your side on your wedding day, an honest conversation could be the encouragement she needs to check a few things off of her to-do list.
If she’s merely just missing deadlines, make sure they’re clear. Let her know how much you want her to participate, but explain that you’ll need her to get on top of things in order to do so. Make sure she’s got a list of all the deadlines, from the last date she can possibly order her dress to how long you’ll have rooms reserved at the hotel. All you can do in this case is supply her with information — everything else is up to her.